Will blog later...

No dongle to get the pictures off my phone, so no point doing this just now! So best comic ever...

I can't think of a decent punch line...

Ok, so admittedly i've actually got nothing to report on this week...

Finally got my life back! Projects are done.. i've done like over 40hrs of overtime, and I'm knackered, however... got a week off work and it's time to relax.

Oh for anyone reading.. it's the highland games in Pitlochry this weekend, I'll write an update on Sunday about all the tom foolery (with pictures) and shenanigans!

Till then...

PS: I'll stop with the promoting of linux... i swear!

Linux, and why you should switch...

Sorry to anyone (if there is anyone) who follows this blog regularly. I haven't properly in a while, and to be honest there isn't much to report!

Just work, work and more work.

Anyway I'm becoming a sort of Linux campaigner these days, i'm loving the customisations and the community, lots of very friendly and helpful people! Plus well it's fast and secure :)

However 10 reasons to switch...

1. It Doesn't Crash Linux has been time-proven to be a reliable operating system. Although the desktop is not a new place for Linux, most Linux-based systems have been used as servers and embedded systems. High-visibility Web sites such as Google use Linux-based systems, but you also can find Linux inside the TiVo set-top box in many livingrooms.

Linux has proved to be so reliable and secure that it is commonly found in dedicated firewall and router systems used by high-profile companies to secure their networks. For more than ten years, it has not been uncommon for Linux systems to run for months or years without needing a single reboot.

2. Viruses Are Few and Far Between

Although it is possible to create a virus to target Linux systems, the design of the system itself makes it very difficult to become infected. A single user could cause local damage to his or her files by running a virus on his or her system; however, this would be an isolated instance rather than something could spread out of control.

In addition, virtually all Linux vendors offer free on-line security updates. The general philosophy of the Linux community has been to address possible security issues before they become a problem rather than hoping the susceptibility will go unnoticed.

3. Virtually Hardware-Independent

Linux was designed and written to be easily portable to different hardware. For the desktop user, this means that Linux has been and likely always will be the first operating system to take advantage of advances in hardware technology such as AMD's 64-bit processor chips.

4. Freedom of Choice

Linux offers freedom of choice as far as which manufacturer you purchase the software from as well as which application programs you wish to use. Being able to pick the manufacturer means you have a real choice as far as type of support you receive. Being open-source software, new manufacturers can enter the market to address customer needs.

Choice of application programs means that you can select the tools that best address your needs. For example, three popular word processors are available. All three are free and interoperate with MS Word, but each offers unique advantages and disadvantages. The same is true of Web browsers.

5. Standards

Linux itself and many common applications follow open standards. This means an update on one system will not make other systems obsolete.

6. Applications, Applications, Applications

Each Linux distribution comes with hundreds and possibly thousands of application programs included. This alone can save you thousands of pounds for each desktop system you configure. Although this is a very small subset, consider that the OpenOffice.org office suite is included as well as the GIMP, a program similar to (and many people say more capable than Adobe Photoshop); Scribus, a document layout program similar to Quark Xpress; Evolution, an e-mail system equivalent to Microsoft's Outlook Express; and hundreds more.

For the more technically inclined, development tools, such as compilers for the C, C++, Ada, Fortran, Pascal and other languages, are included as well as Perl, PHP and Python interpreters. Editors and versioning tools also are included in this category.

Whether you are looking for Instant Messaging clients, backup tools or Web site development packages, they likely are all included within your base Linux distribution.

7. Interoperability

More and more computers are being connected to networks. No system would be complete if it did not include tools to allow it to interoperate with computers running other operating systems. Once again, Linux is very strong in this area.

Linux includes Samba, software that allows Linux to act as a client on a Microsoft Windows-based network. In fact, Samba includes server facilities such that you could run a Linux system as the server for a group of Linux and Windows-based client systems.

In addition, Linux includes software to network with Apple networks and Novell's Netware. NFS, the networking technology developed on UNIX systems also is included.

8. It's a Community Relationship, Not a Customer Relationship

Other operating systems are the products of single vendors. Linux, on the other hand, is openly developed, and this technology is shared among vendors. This means you become part of a community rather than a customer of a single manufacturer. Also, the supplier community easily can adjust to the needs of various user communities rather than spouting a "one size fits all" philosophy.

This means you can select a Linux vendor that appears to best address your needs and feel confident that you could switch vendors at a later time without losing your investment--both in terms of costs and learning.

9. It's Not How Big Your Processor Is...

Because of a combination of the internal design of Linux and development contributions from a diverse community, Linux tends to be more frugal in the use of computer resources. This may manifest itself in a single desktop system running faster with Linux than with another operating system, but the advantages go far beyond that. It is possible, for example, to configure a single Linux system to act as a terminal server and then use outdated hardware as what are called thin clients.

This server/thin client configuration makes it possible for older, less powerful hardware to share the resources of a single powerful system thus extending the life of older machines.

10. Linux Is Configurable

Linux is a true multi-user operating system. Each user can have his or her own individual configuration all on one computer. This includes the look of the desktop, what icons are displayed, what programs are started automatically when the user logs in and even what language the desktop is in.

A lot of the features listed here might be in Vista, however Linux doesn't carry the bloatware! Also the community is just fantastic, you have people offering support left right and centre on the forums for each Distro.

However enough ranting.. here's a nice lil video :)

Oops.. delayed posting!

Ok so I know I said I would post every 2 weeks.. but hey i'm a busy guy!!

So busy infact that i've been working weekends.. hopefully for not much longer, so this could call for some shenanigans to celebrate the reinstatement of a semi-normal social life..

So what to report on.. batman rules.. absolutely fantastic movie, great performances from all actors, hopefully there will be a third!!!!! Also.. lots of work... more work and erm.. yeah more work... So considering that Batman is the first time that most of my friends have actually seen me in a long time, shows how much work i've had (last time i seen them was before the wedding!).

However, back in the shire last night. One thing I really found quite shocking whiile reading the news, I came home and found out about this kid in Thailand who ended up killing a taxi driver in the process of hijacking the taxi because he wanted to see if it was as it was in GTA4. My favourite part of the new article is this line:

Police said the youth, an obsessive player of "Grand Theft Auto", showed no sign of mental problems during questioning and had confessed to committing the crime because of the game.'

What? Really? Am I the only one who thinks it's a sign of mental problems the instant he decided to rob and kill a taxi driver, game or no game? I mean there are people who manage to live their entire lives without killing someone else, no matter how many movie's they've watched, games they've played, comic books they've read, or death metal they've listened to (yes I do listen to death metal!!) . So doesn't it stand to reason that perhaps something was just broken in this kid to begin with?

Otherwise life is mainly occupied by work, reading news articles about how idiotic the youth of today is (just shows that Neds aren't the only idiots on this planet) and talking to people on msn!

But until this project finishes.. well I really can't say that I'm doing anything exciting.. depressing yes.. but c'est la vie!

Update to settings

Unregistered users can now comment, i've seen the sites stats start to increase, but still comments from the one and only Frans..

So now it's a free for all!

Further proof we're screwed...

"I feel a great disturbance in the Church"

Yup, it's clear Darth Vader has shunned the dark side and is well on his way to redemption. Give him a couple of years and he'll be apologising for Apple.

We're still screwed..

So we're nearing the end of July.. what is there to report? Well not a lot to be fair. Over the past few weeks I've been struggling to keep myself occupied which is resulting in me being bored.. a lot! Although I've started weight lifting agian to sort of distract me, perhaps I will move that onto running when I get a flat mate.

Otherwise there's not a lot to report! I really haven't done much except work! However there's advantages to me working lots, none of which I can go into detail about i'm afraid!

(of course the assert d0esn't work)

Edit:

Just so there's no mass panic.. i've deleted my bebo account. Why? Well it sucks, I use facebook more these days anyway (it's just "cleaner", perhaps i'm a neat monster).

Oh and on the FFIINNAALLL Note (yes, this time for real!) Here's the one thing I hate about commuting across the Forth Road Bridge..

GNOME today, GONE tomorrow...

So I mentioned a while back that I was using Ubuntu "Hardy Heron", and never gave my feedback.. well apart from 2 issues.. it's great! The first issue being that I can't VPN into my work, but I believe that could be more to do with my ports than actual Ubuntu, then there's also the fact that I can't use Teamspeak.. microphone seems to be bugged, but there's a guide on Ubuntu Forums on fixing that!

I was contemplating getting a new machine for gaming.. but I really don't need to (since the only game I play is Eve online anyway, and they have an official Linux client, but.. the normal windows version works better under WINE).

However in light of this, I need a portable option and I think i'm going to check out Dells open source laptops (apparently they'll be adding a few more machines into the range). So we shall see.

Not much else to report on it just now, i'll include an obligatory screen shot (yes it does look like a mac).
Oh and for anyone bitching about Linux being hard to learn...

"Anyone claiming that using Linux is difficult has not tried to understand women. Ever"

Thats all for now folks!

Living like life's going out of style...

Ok so a bit odd for me to post today, since it's usually every 2nd week, unless i'm bored... maybe i am! Anyway...

Well everything is back to normal around here after my less-than-stellar start to the week. One thing i'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has forgotten he had an external storage device plugged in, and when windows shows the partitions thought absent-mindedly to himself "hmm, why are they showing my partition twice? Oh well" *delete*. Luckily all my photo's are backed up on several computers and now Flickr! Yes I've started the mass transit of all my stuff there.

What else has come to light this week. Well Steve's girlfriend Tizzy had to get an emergency C section during the week. 17th of June to be exact! Mother and baby are doing well (she's like 6 weeks early?) 3 pounds 4 ounces! So at least that wasn't total failure!

But Congratz to Steve and Tizzy! (oh it also means that Steve can't come out for his final piss up before fatherhood).

My grandmother had to be taken into hospital... One of the thing that really gets me about doctors, especially in my home town. We couldn't get her out of bed, so the doctor pipes up about getting her to Hospital, and we're like "how are we going to get her there, when we can't even get her out of bed?". Well the boy genius didn't think of calling the ambulance, we had to suggest it (apparently the ambulance will charge the doctors for the non emergency call out). But she's getting better now, so it's all good.

Currently... I can sympathise with anyone who has ever had RSI, my right arm is in agony (maybe it's a sign?). Up until now I'd always though RSI meant 'I hate my damn job'.

Anyway, so since i'm typing, may as well give an update!

So whats happened this week? Well nothing too exciting.. was out with Heather again, we went to see "The Happening", not a bad film, not one i'd of paid to see.. but it's watchable.
My Friend Azrael (from Eve online) was in town, so we went out, hit a restaurant then a couple of pubs. Was a good laugh and all on his expenses form!

After several recommendations I'm also starting an Entourage. Seems decent. Anyone want to be in my entourage? I'm not rich or famous, or even all that pretty... but I make a mean spaghetti carbonara. Any takers?

Oh finally... one thing I really do have to say..
EVE Online just released another update, and the trailer is pure sex as usual. I recently decided to stop playing this... but jesus.. i'm thinking of going back... I mean seriously.. look at it.....

Anyway thats this update done and dusted.

Inside the fire...

Oh, yeah, another note.... New Disturbed Album is fan-f#$king Tastic...
Here's Inside the fire, the debut single from it!



Edit: ok appears they removed the original I had, so here's another!

Get me a transistor!

As you may imagine, things are pretty hectic over here right now as it's approaching the end of quarter 2, lots of people are leaving and we have a sh*t load of projects that are due for the next couple of months. So i'll keep this brief. Maybe.

Right well.. lets begin. Last weekend.. Iain's & Joanne's wedding at Cameron House!
Firstly, let me start by saying this is one place, I recommend EVERYONE tries to stay there at least once (the cost is a bit over the top, but I reckon it would be worth it).
It's a very nice setting, very expensive, but oh so worth it! Hell the staff are extra friendly and try to make sure your ok all the time! Anyway..

So yes, a thanks to Martin and Misha for letting me crash at theirs on my return, nice comfy couch in their Edinburgh flat. However, Saturday started with me trying to get my kilt etc sorted, after 4hrs of trying to get it pressed (as it was creased to hell), I was good to go!

So we decided to book 2 taxi's to take us all from the office out to West Calder where the bus would be picking us up. However, the Czech's had the nice idea to stop in a pub and get lots and lots of rounds in! Very good idea.. since it turned out it was £2.50 a pint (a bargin!). So 2hrs later the bus arrived and we were on our way! Of course we had to make several pit stops, I think on lookers had an amusing time watching a group of guys running from the bus into the nearest toilet/bush.

However, we arrived and it was photo time!

So left to right we have: Misha, Martin, Michael, Myself, Klara and Petr

(rest of my photo's will be on Flickr later people)

So we moved inside to the Great scots bar, relaxed with the other workies and started getting the drinks in. Now so I can give you guys an idea on prices. A stein of lager was £3.50, Magners was £4.50, Jack Daniels and Coke £6.50 or bog standard Malt whisky... £6.50 to £110 a NIP!

So needless to say, a very expensive night (most of us were armed with £100 each (minimum))

Nice buffet for the food, with a nice selection to choose from. There was even a chocolate fountain!

Lots of music and dancing to be had, they even played such great Scottish party hits as The Proclaimers "500 miles" and "The Bonny banks of Loch Lomond" (quite fitting for the location I guess!).

Anyway, other news. Well quite a bit really, lets start with the life changing stuff. I'm moving...

Yes, moving back into Edinburgh! Huzzah, since I've decided living on my own is boring, I've decided to flat share with an eve playing buddy of mine. So aiming for an August move, which also means i'll be Selling "The Predator" (My car for those who don't know!). Simply don't need it in the city and there's an abundance of public transport, and of course it's Edinburgh everything is there!

What else, been on more dates. Was out with another on wednesday, despite getting soaked going there (with the rain stopping when I arrived), and it starting and soaking me on the way back to my car.. I had a good time, so did she infact and we're going out again on Tuesday!

Otherwise, life is pretty quiet just now, trying to decide on the next holiday destination, was planning Australia to go visit my family there, but might go do some European Capitals!

Till next time!!

If...

So as I lay in bed at my parents this morning, it's an absolutely fantastic day, in fact just from lying around outside yesterday... I have a pretty kick ass tan.

Anyway just a quick note, not much to report on this week. Next week I'll be at a wedding so maybe more next Sunday (and pictures.)

But back to today.. watched TV and found something that for some reason actually made me smile! Don't know what it is, but just something about this Irn Bru advert just makes you feel a bit more patriotic!

Enjoy :)

Welcome to the Social...

So, as most of you who talk to me and read this.. I'm now the proud owner of a Zune!
Also as many of you have asked.. "What's a zune?"

The Zune is essentially Microsofts verion of the Ipod, and well to be fair, it's probably a lot better!


Unfort. for us Euro's this is one device that we can't buy them here, the only option is to import (although saying that, a lot of people on Amazon do that and charge a fortune) or take a trip across the pond!

Anyway, so I have a black 8GB version, and just to show how small this device really is, here it is next to a ball point pen! Oh and to note it's 8mm thick!Inside the box:
-Headphones (pretty good headphones, but could be better)
-USB cable (charging cable and for data transfer)
-Instructions (who needs them?)
-Your Zune!!

As for the zune itself...
-Mp3 player
-FM Radio
-Video's
-Pictures
- "The Social"

Pretty standard except for "The Social" thing, I have no clue what this is, except that it works over wireless. Apparently every time you play a song on your PC, or sync your Zune to update play data, that information is uploaded to Zune Social, so your friends can automatically see what you're listening to. All that data is collated and aggregated so you can see what's the most listened-to music, which users have listened to certain bands the most, etc.

They're also building a widget called the Zune Card with functions much like the Gamer Card on Xbox 360. The Zune Card can be embedded into your blog or "other social networking sites" to provide that constant stream of information where you want it displayed. No word on which sites they're working on building it for, but it was made clear that Facebook and My Space are priorities.

As for the device itself.. The screens is bright and clear, it can even be seen in the sun, which is a major issue i've had with previous mp3 players! As for audio quality it's pretty damm solid, i've used it constantly over the weekend and it's pretty damm good!

Edit: Welcome to the social... RvB style!

This can only mean trouble.. pictures!

So as for Frans demanding proof of my activities.. here we go!

So here we have the wonderul highlighter tower, I did manage to get another level on it before it fell apart!

Here we have the wonderful weather hitting across my lil car. One minute it was nice and sunny, perfect BBQ weather (hence the table and chairs), next this happens..

Finally.. we have the lil beast clocking 60,000miles...

There.. proof posted!

This can only mean trouble...

Ok, ignore the title, this can't really mean trouble.. or can it?!

So lets try and round up recent events (without pictures, yes truely sorry, but I forgot my damm bluetooth adapater (further argument of why I need a laptop)).

So as some of you are probably aware, Dom finished with me, what, like 2 weeks ago to this day? So what progress has been made in the world of Richard since?

Well I've been on 2 dates with 2 completely different chicks! Now someone claimed these are rebounds, but to be fair, long distance doesn't quite give you those drawbacks, namely due to the void of not actually having to see them on a daily basis. I've always known that long distance doesn't work and against my better judgement at the time, I went along with it. But anyway...

So on Sunday, I saw Kirsty, nice lass, spent 4hrs of walking and talking, oh and me getting dragged around shops. She's nice enough, but those 4hrs made me realise that she probably isn't right for me, however she seems really keen on me!?!

Friday, half day from work and then out wandering with Michelle, another nice lass, and another 4hrs of walking and talking around the great city that is Edinburgh! Except this time instead of shops, we took each other around pubs (unfort. I wasn't drinking, damm car). But apparently she's really keen on meeting me again as well, so must be doing something right, so maybe another date with her this week!

Work wise this week, nothing much, although I did construct a tower of highlighter pens.. I will post a picture of this later, it was quite a challenge! 3 guys from my dept have had job interviews, so things could be getting very quiet for us indeed.

Last week, had Peter, a friend from Eve Online vist, and then proceeded to take him on the turbo tour of Scotland! Starting off here in sunny Pitlochry, up to Fort William, down through GlenCoe (check my flickr for pictures of the Glen), down to Oban and then back across to Pitlochry... the whole day took roughly 8hrs.. so 8hrs of driving I was knackered. The next day he was departing back to Copenhagen, so before that, gave him a brief driving tour of Edinburgh (what we could get to, the tram works kinda limit where you can go without getting stuck in Traffic.) But it did stay nice, averaging about 20 deg C and the spotting of numerous Dutch Cars (Yes, we had to inform Frans of all the cars). After dropping him off and saying goodbye etc, it was off into the City for the date with Kirsty (see above).

Back to current events.. this weekend been kinda quiet. Yesterday, we had the sort of flash storm that you would expect in area's like Florida, one minute it was sunny and the next the rain just dropped out of the sky! So much so, that the bottom of my garden flooded!! Then followed by barrage of hail stones.. The first thing it reminded me of was Florida seriously.. Still, it didn't stop us firing up the BBQ for some tasty grub!

Today, well nothing too difficult, just writing this blog, informing my reader(s) (prove me wrong!) of my life and then enjoying the sunshine! I'll post the pictures at some point, but until then I shall you with yet another youtube video.. enjoy! (It's an old song.. but I love it)

Oops

I'll need to sum up 2 weeks or so later.. forgot the damm bluetooth adapter so I can't add photo's. Plus i'll prob have more to report on by then :D

Sunny Sunday

Ok, so again i'm actually more wasting time with this post than actually being constructive.

Despite it being Scotland, we have been known to actually get sun.. well today was one of those days.. 16.5 degree's (Celcius), now I know to some of you, that isnt that hot.. but to us.. well it's great weather (read below about "You know your from Scotland..")

Spent the morning annoying my 4yr old cousin.. there's no planning anymore, all I have to do is pick up something and he instantly wants it, then whinges when he doesn't get it. Cruel, yes, but it does provide a lil bit of comedy relief when he strops off in the humph!

Other than that, not much to report at the moment, cleaned my car (surprised how much paper i've gathered since the last time I cleaned it).

So despite being a short post, i'll wrap this up by sharing a song that I can't get out of my head at the moment..



Worringly it's not my usual taste of metal, but it's actually a good song!

Oh and on a final note, yesterday I submitted my CV for a job in Belgium.. doing exactly what i'm doing now, but maybe a bit more involved.. i dunno.

Anyway thats all for now!

Saturday night live!

Well just a quick note, it's Saturday.. it's actually a pleasant evening.. but i'm sitting inside. Namely due to 2 reasons:

1. I was meant to be in Perth, out for Fiona's B'day this evening, but the damm fuel crisis that's currently sweeping the nation has scuppered that plan.

2. My cousin David originally intended to go out, but later decided against it.

So, that leaves me here sitting online.. signing up to more useless websites (I bet i'll still use it though), and randomly typing into my blog!

So people can get an idea of how nice an evening it is...

Otherwise, today wasn't really productive, just got some much needed rest, some new tyres for the car (It's getting it's service and MOT on Monday), and thats pretty much it!

Till next time!

Reflections Of A Reformed Techie

So, been a couple of weeks and I promised myself I'd continue to blog, regardless if people read it or not.

So what's been in happening in this life of mine, well quite a few things really, so lets start from last week.

Firstly, Dom finished with me, she decided that she's better off going to Canada, and various other reasons why it wouldnt work out between us, namely she didn't love me anymore. But that is life and I just have to let it be. So C'est la vie!

So onwards and upwords and life goes on... very fast if your me apparently! Needless to say, plans are a foot for this weekend and I shall inform all of my readers (maybe all 1 of them) if anything good happens!

Anyway, I was contemplating going to finish my degree (only 9 months or so to do), but too much arsing around to make it happen, so at the moment, i'm happy doing what I'm doing. The cash is good, my colleagues are great, and thats all that has to be said on the matter. It would of been nice to do the degree... but i can do it anytime!

Black rose tavern antics.. great fun as usual. We were even down a man.. well woman.. 1st half we were getting beaten.. but in true fashion we came back and won! So go us!
A vital tip for anyone who reads this... If you go to the black rose tavern in Edinburgh, make sure you have some pudding (desert), and get the chocolate cake thing... it's great! Like seriously great! Might also have planned a group trip to NYC.. who knows!!!

As for me in general, life's good, haven't quite figured out if i'm coming or going or whatever, but at least it's an improvement over feeling "bored with life". As of today.. it has been decided that I will formally invade Australia next year, go visit my Aunt, Unc and my big cousin, get a tan and try the Aussie experience for a month! Needless to say.. I can't wait!

Well that's all your getting just now.. will hopefully blog again in a couple of weeks!!

Oh yeah, final note.. Ubuntu 8.04... all I will say just now is uberness! More on this later!!

Life and all that stuff...

So, anybody bored with life as I am? I´m not suicidal, but I do not desire life either. I´m just bored with everything. I continually go to work, come home and do nothing, except for wed nights at the black rose (which is the highlight of my week). Otherwise, i'm starting to find it boring and repetitive, I mean don't get me wrong, i have a great group of friends and they know I'd do anything for them, but other aspects of my life seem to be lacking....

The only thoughts that pass through my head are "I went to school for this?", a life that has no real excitment, no real anything. Just that one night a week where I can chill, relax with friends and have some good "banter". Are we all slaves to the paycheque? Is this what we went through education for?

Otherwise, general update on life..

Still employed at wolfson, got a menial payrise.. apparently lucky to get it.

Was in Texas 5 weeks ago, had a great time with Dominique, I hope she had the same
Note for future travellers.. never wear black in Texas... also wear lots of sunblock or you'll go from white to burnt in under 2hrs..

Otherwise, Just working away, nothing special..

Karaoke on wed night.. I actually sang with 3 other guys... Video might appear soon!

Otherwise thats it.. nothing spectacular to report, nothing life changing (well apart from the boredom), and nothing new at the moment.

Lesson at the end of the day.. life sucks!

Any suggestions on hobbies etc.. appreciated :)

You know your from Scotland when...

Recently I received this while at work, and by god did it make me laugh!

You know you're from Scotland when....


1. You say "cheers" or "ta" instead of thanks.

2. You love Irn-Bru and can't understand people that say it's sickly sweet fizz with bright artificial colouring.

3. You can't stop yourself supporting any team that plays England in any sport.

4. You wear nothing under your kilt and flash folk even if they believe you!

5. "Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind" is good weather!

6. A sunny day with temp of 13C (55F) is time to wear shorts, skimpy clothes and have a BBQ!

7. You call Chavs "Neds". If you live in the inner city or central belt you have to be prepared for encounters with Neds (Non Educated Delinquents). They are usually in groups of about 10-20. They are all weak and only "fight" in groups and by "fight" I mean "slashing or "chibbing" or using any other instrument other than their fists. Dress-sense-wise most have a Berghaus jacket (usually stolen from someone they have attacked) complete with a Burberry hat tuned to the moon and bright white socks pulled over joggers. Female Nedettes referred to as “Sengas” are pretty much the same although they have 5 rings on average on each finger complete with fake gold earrings. They hang around the streets looking for a fight, stealing cars and drinking cheap booze usually "Buckie". They have poor vocabulary, usually because the dropped out of school at the age of 12.

8. What you call a suntan is what other people call sunburnt (well there are some lucky Scots, but in general!!)

9. The only sausage you like is "square".

10. You call New Year's Eve "Hogmanay" and don't seem to think 2 days national holiday is long enough to recover from the partying!

11. Haggis is a tasty national dish not a glorified sheep's stomach filled with random minced organs and oats.

12. Sean Connery was the best James Bond.

13. You know Curling and Shinty are sports not birds.

14. You point out to foreigners that actually only some people have ginger hair in Scotland, not everyone.

15. You know fried Mars bars are only available in touristy places and nobody actually eats them. What’s more if you asked your local chippy to do it you would get this response: "Ken what pal, I'll do it but if my fryer breaks down you are paying me £5,000 sunshine".

16. You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.

17. You know a wide vocabulary of random Scottish words: an idiot is "a numpty". "Aye" = yes. "Aye Right" = not likely. "Auld yin"= someone over 40. "Baltic" = freezing. "Dry yer eyes" = aww..diddums. "Dry Boak" = sickened, etc.

18. On the 25th January you feel obliged to attend a Burns supper. At the venue you drink whisky, eat Haggis & Neeps, listen to poems.

19. You know what a Ceilidh is and how to pronounce it properly! You know how to “Strip the Willow” and do the “Gay Gordons!” Guaranteed floor fillers at weddings, grad balls, etc. Up there with the tango as a celebrated dance. Sweatier and more violent than the jive, but maybe not as sexy as Cuban salsa.

20. You casually tell foreign friends that if it wasn't for the Scots there would be no television, penicillin, golf, fax machines, telephones, bicycles, etc.

21. You have an irrational need to eat anything fried with your chip supper from the chippy: haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken (but not mars bars).

22. You used to love eating these sweeties when you were young: Buchanan's toffees, wham bars, tablet, Irn-Bru bars, Cola Cubes…

23. You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever the Scotland national football team play a "diddy" team that we will lose.

24. You know that Scotland will never actually win the World Cup, but keep partying anyway!

25. You know that when asked "Howsitgaun?" any response other than "no bad" will be pyschologically analysed; has he/she won the lottery, dog died? etc.

26. You think you can speak Scottish Gaelic even though all you know is "Failte" "Sassenachs" and "Slainte va".

27. You have been accused of being from England while you are on holiday abroad. Repeatedly.

28. You would rather stand up on the bus for an hour than bother the person whose handbag is currently occupying the last available seat.

29. You happily engage in a conversation about the weather. "Dreich day eh?... Aye at least the wind has died down".

30. You secretly curse the day the first Scotrail ticket barriers came into operation as you can no longer skive a train journey!

31. You love the Glasgow "Clockwork Orange" Underground even though it is now like a child's Hornby train set compared to other city metro systems.

32. You actually do care if your mobile phone meets the current fashion standard.

33. People ask you if the Loch Ness Monster exists or haggis is an animal and you try to spread the myth further by stating it's true

34. You feel like a failure if you haven't got a full drivers licence before you're 22.

35. You can recall only a handful of films set in Scotland that are not depressing or suicidal.

36. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country etc. you still LOVE it when you're in a club abroad and they play something Scottish. (you'll probably even ask the DJ to play it…)

37. You feel bad if you're not outside on a sunny day.

38. You feel special if you can speak another language in addition to English.

39. You no longer find it strange to see female Neds walking around with neck chains with their names in huge brass letters pushing their prams into the £1 shop to gorge on sweets while berating their daughters called “Britney” and “Shakira”. You have laughed (quietly) at delusional neds who you hear say "Fawk man, errs a load of bams/neds over there!"

40. A full English Breakfast is transformed into a Scottish Breakfast by adding black pudding, potato scones and square sausage.

41. You are shocked to discover that you can't drink tap water abroad and must buy bottled water. Also you find water in England, Denmark etc just doesn't taste anywhere near as nice as Scottish water.

42. You attempt to use your legal tender Scottish Pound notes in England and then have to argue for 5 minutes to make them accept it or just walk out of a shop in disgust.

43. You will wait and hold the door for someone 100 metres behind you incase you cause offence.

44. You roll your R's like the Spanish, you say “grrreen” or “that’s rrrrrubbish.”

45. You say sorry to someone who has bumped into you even though it was their fault.

46. You are in the USA and are constantly told "I love your accent, it's so....sexy!"

47. You are in the USA and are asked "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Huh, you Irish-Scotch are so much fun"…

48. There are no lakes, only lochs.

49. Castles are no big deal and you are oddly fascinated by how excited tourists get talking about them.

50. You were given an “Oor Wullie” or “Broons” annual at Christmas.

51. You get offended by people calling you "Scotch" (usually Americans or English), which you kindly point out is a whisky not a nationality. You also get offended by English people who call you "Jocks" or "Sweaty Socks".

52. You secretly love to complain about anything and everything! "I'm fair scunnered with that bridge toll, ye ken", "No auditions in Scotland for Britain's Got Talent, a disgrace!.

53. You have Standard Grades and Highers!

54. You go to University for free!

55. You don't say small, you say "wee". e.g I fancy the wee burd standing at the bar with the cosmopolitan.

56. Girls are called "burds" e.g How're things going with the burd?” Wheresawra burds?

57. You see police and hear someone shout "Errrapolis".

58. Drunk people can’t resist putting a traffic cone on any statue they are able to clamber up.

59. You pronounce Edinburgh as Edin-burr-ah, not Edinboro, Edinbourg, Edinborough or Edinbuurg.

60. You see odd socks lying on the road (where do they come from?)

61. You have participated in or witnessed people having a "square go".

62. When asked which Glasgow football team you support by a hard-looking guy/psycho, you answer straight-faced "Partick Thistle".

63. You have laughed at Still Game, Chewing the Fat or some other BBC Scotland comedy and...you don't need subtitles to understand.

64. You buy an "ECOSSE" sticker for your car before a driving holiday in France just in case they think you are, um, yes that's right...English.

65. You secretly love to queue but can't tolerate queue skippers who you stare at with venom, cough aloud "ahem.”

66. You have eaten lots of random Scottish food like: Bridies, Aberdeen Rowies (butteries), Mince & Tatties, Haggis, Cullen Skink, Stovies, Tunnock's Teacakes/Snowballs, Scott's Porridge Oats, Macaroon Bars, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pies, Scotch Eggs, Oatcakes, Shortbread etc.

67. You are one of Jock Tamson's bairns (whoever he is?).

68. A “jakey” has asked you for money: "Got any spare change pal/hen?"

69. You are an expert at dodging charity street fundraisers.

70. You wait expectantly for your 1 p change from the shopkeeper.

71. You have eaten chips and curry sauce after a trip to the swimming baths when you were young.

72. You speak louder than Swedish people but not as loud as Americans.

73. You watched Postman Pat and "Padraig Post" when you were young.

74. You have gone on a shopping binge in Buchanan Street.

75. You show midgies the respect they deserve (the wee bastards!)

76. You probably bank with Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS), Bank of Scotland or Clydesdale Bank.

77. You were forced to read "Sunset Song" in English class at school.

78. You drink whisky without ice. (and you spell it without an e)

79. You probably have never played the bagpipes (this might surprise Americans)!

80. You put salt on anything you eat!

81. You used to put sugar on your Kellogg's Frosties when you were young.

82. You love street parties but rarely go because severe weather has cancelled them.

83. You love a good curry!

84. You get pissed off by English ignorance/arrogance for example:

85. A. "Look at the state of my English (United Kingdom) passport"
B. "Hey come off it, England (Britain) is an island"
C. "So when are you going back to England (Scotland or United Kingdom)? em...Scotland; "Huh, yeah, same thing innit?"
D. "I need to change my Euros to English (British) money"
E." I don't want Gordon Brown to be English (British) Prime Minister, he's a Scot".

86. There's a golf course within 5 miles of your house and a world-class golf course within 40 miles!

87. The only fish to eat with chips is haddock.

88. You've seen these classic Scottish films: Trainspotting, The Wicker Man, Gregory's Girl, Braveheart, Restless Natives....etc

89. You notice how posh Billy Connolly's accent is becoming over the years.

90. Selected to be on a jury you have the additional Scottish verdict of "not proven", which is kinda like "mibbaes aye, mibbaes naw".

91. You played kirby/kerby as a kid, bouncing balls of kerbsides.

92. You call Henman Hill "Murray's Mound".

93. Rugby is the "posh" sport.

94. You love to sing karaoke!

95. You have dramatic, stunning, awe-inspiring scenery on your doorstep but you just can't be arsed driving further than Loch Lomond (NB: applies only to Central Belt).

96. You can talk endlessly about traffic congestion. "Aye the M8 was murder the day, I had to come off at Ibrox then there was a 15 minute queue to get in the centre of town..."

97. You don't see ordinary coos (cows) in the field, you see Heelan coos (Highland cows). Yep they are the 70's rock stars of the cattle world, available in 11 shades of orange. Extras include, Harley Davidson handlebar horns!

98. There are random statues. For example: to dogs (Greyfriars Bobby) and cartoon characters (Desperate Dan) amongst others!

99. There are amazing white beaches (like Wester Ross and Harris) that could be mistaken for Caribbean hideaways in travel brochures. Only problem it's baltic and you could get hypothermia from just dippin your toes in the water!

100. “Heather the Weather” (Metrologist) appears on your TV with a "Hi there!", gangly wrists and toothy smile telling you more bad weather but her cheery West coast lilt helps a bit. You can go camping on a whim. A tent with a view, open fire, beer cooled in a stream, cooking sausages and smoking out the damn midgies!

101. The language makes you smile: “How no?” = Why not; “Geeezabrek” = give me a break please, “Ahwizpyoorlik'ahtbut” = I was totally amazed/nonplussed/shocked.

102. You know how to make visitors feel welcome. You take them into your home, feed them and give them a bed. You feed them beyond the point of hospitality (excludes Edinburgh) "Dae you want some soup? Have another bowl. If ye don't eat it, it'll just go doon the drain...”

103. You know a thousand different words for drunk, here's just a few: badgered, bladdered, bleezin', blootered, cabbaged, guttered, hammered, lashed, leathered, mangled, minced, rubbered, wellied, reekin', banjaxed, stocious, mingin', etc.

104. You are generally unpretentious and unreserved.

105. You say "Thank you, driver" when leaving a bus. We could just ignore them, but we don't. Thanking the bus driver improves their day and ours.

106. You know that our rain is special. Oh yes, we have the horizontal kind, the misty kind, fat rain, "is it actually raining" rain and the downright dirty! No morning is complete without it, no hairstyle or make-up immune to it. It is our birthright, a gift from above.

107. You know what Taggart is or rather was. "Yer brains'll be oan the pavement unless ye help us". The charming Maryhill CID. The classic of course, "Therr's bein a murdurrr".

108. You love the banter! Yes, jovial and frivolous conversation, with several skill levels. This is an art form in Scotland.

109. You can climb 284 Scottish Mountain Munros (Mountain 3000 feet or higher) if you can ever be arsed.

110. You see crazy placenames. For example: Kilmahog, Buckie, Auchenshuggle, Ballachulish, Ecclefechan, Kirkcudbright and Lairig Grhu. Loch Lochy also deserves a mention.

111. You feel more Scottish the further away you travel. You also get sentimental once you get there.

112. Women always have an umbrella in their handbag.

113. You need to wear wellies to summer music festivals and you are mentally prepared for a mudbath!

114. You sometimes think English people will understand you and they don't e.g "I'm swithering to go out later" "Sorry, you what, swith..??" "I fancy a jeelie piece" !A what?"

115. You can tell where another Scot is from by their accent. E.g.

116. Glaswegian: "Awright pal, gonnae gies a wee swatch oa yur Record, cheers, magic pal."
Fifer: "Aye, that wifie is getting it oan wi a laddie fae the butchers." Dundonian: "I'm awa hame tae hae a peh."
Aberdonian: "Fit like, fair few quines in the night eh?"

117. You are actually generous and considerate rather than (stereotypically) stingy. You give someone a quid if they need one for their locker. You happily give money for charitable causes, 10k sponsorship. You'll give your underground discovery ticket to someone when your finished using it, allow people to take some of your chips on your way home from the pub, take the time to give tourists directions (excluding the citizens of Edinburgh who would never be able to do anything if that was the case).

118. The shopkeepers love a wee "blether" with you. "I'm a dopey bunny today son, need to go for a wee sleep later, watch your soup it's hot, that's £2.90 please".

119. You are mentally prepared on bus/train for some Neds to start blasting shit happy hardcore tunes from their little mobiles "Boom, Boom, (chipmunk) "When I was young and life was so wonderful (Boom) (Boom)"

120. You see local bands go on to become huge successes with world-wide hits and massive fan base. Franz Ferdinand (No they are not from England as a few Americans told me) Mogwai, Belle & Sebastian, Idlewild, Cocteau twins, Arab strap, Del Amitri, etc.

121. You love to read newspapers. You'll read anything, the Metro, Record, Sun, Evening Times, Herald, Scotsman, Courier, P & J, Guardian etc. You'll even pick up and read a tattered, used paper that you found on the floor of a train...

122. You know that the only parts Scottish people get in U.S./BBC/English programmes are as alcoholics, drug addicts or violent aggressive characters who speak with an almost incomprehensible rough accent.

123. You cringe at foreign people trying to do a Scottish accent (normally really badly!!).

124. You think it's weird if a house isn't made of bricks/stones.

125. Unlike the Swedes, you happily jaywalk and feel stupid not walking across the road when there are no vehicles but a red man.

126. is an unofficial "boy racer" road/circuit in your town or city. Yes on any given day, you can see souped-up Vauxhall Corsas etc razzing down the street with blue lights, huge alloys and dance music blasting out!

127. You follow the commuter code of looking utterly miserable whilst slowly flicking through your Metro on the bus/train/subway. If you smile, people will look at you suspiciously.